Wednesday, August 14, 2013


It was harder the second time.  I was acutely aware of how quickly my babies grow up.  I kept thinking in my head "Did I DO enough?  Did I appreciate the time I was given?  Did I teach enough?  Did I hug enough?  Did I play enough? Did I savor the moments between the time my Samuel drew his first breath and the time he walked across the threshold of his Kindergarten classroom?"  Because that time is a gift.  A gift I didn't know I was unwrapping until he stood before me, unwrapped and headed into this big world to carve out a space for himself.  I know my job isn't done.  In fact, it's far from finished.  But now...well, now is the time he begins to form for himself exactly who he will be and what he will do on his journey of life.  And to do that, he must become separate from me.  My momma always said "From the moment they are born, we are preparing them to leave us."  And while this is a comforting thought (I will be quite joyous when he is a big hairy man, and he has a mortgage and life of his own), it is also one that makes my breath catch in my throat.  Samuel and Grace are not mine.  They are gifts.  And time rolls on and on, and I wonder "Did I DO enough?"