Friday, September 18, 2015

I think it's called an Indian summer.  When August rolls into September, and the heat of the summer doesn't let up.  The days are still very warm but the nights are cooler and the mornings carry the crisp smell of fall.  It's the squirrels that fascinate me the most.  They know.  They know that summer's heat is leaving.  And they are quite funny about it.  Silly almost.  Skittering from branch to branch, knocking the dying leaves from the trees.  Wide eyed, searching...searching for food.  I like them. They work hard, but they play hard.  Most times, as I sit on my back deck watching them, I can't tell if they are working or playing.  We could learn a lot from them.
I recently turned down a job.  That's an ego crusher.  I went through three, yes THREE!, interviews. But in the end, after much prayer and fretting and discussion with Superman, I decided to decline.  I learned so much in the process.  I learned that I love being a nurse, but I love being a mom more.  I learned that money is no replacement for memories.  And I learned that what the world tells me, is not as important as what my instinct tells me.  And right now, in this very sweet spot of our lives, I may just be right where I'm supposed to be.  Go figure. As much as I fight and fuss and think that MY plan is better and makes MUCH more sense than what God has planned for me, I have been gently reminded that He is good.  I've wrestled with this most of my life...Forging down the path, thinking I can make a way all. by. myself, trying to see the big picture.  But the way is very dark, most times I find that very little of the path is illuminated.  A small glimmer of light to guide me in the dark..."Go this  Now...go this way."  I'm not a big picture sort of spirit.  God knows this.  I really WANT to be a big picture sort of spirit.  God knows this too.  I think it makes Him chuckle.  He is patient with me, guiding me one small step at a time.  He lets me wrestle with my faith and my future. But the Light is there, always.  A compass, an anchor, a light.
The decision to decline the job has been a tough one.  I felt like a coward, I felt like I wasn't living up to my full potential, I felt frantic and scared.  I felt like where I should be and where I AM weren't adding up.  Turns out, after I made the choice, it was the right one all along.  Follow the light...step by baby step.