Testing, testing, 1...2...3...

Three years ago I began a bible study with 4 moms. Three years ago I lived in Yukon, Oklahoma. Three years ago I had ONE 8 month old little girl. We met once a week at the church and let our children play in the nursery together while we dug deeper into God's word. We did this for 2 weeks. On week three, the leader of the bible study lost her little 3 month old baby girl to SID's...we were devastated...the study group fell apart. There is more to this horrible story, but that is another day and another blog about grief and friendship and God and the hard lessons life teaches you. The reason I am writing today is because I just returned from the first meeting of that very SAME bible study here in Kansas City, MO--three years later...almost to the day. I must admit, the devil "got" me for a brief, fleeting moment...I thought "What if I sign up for this study again, and something awful happens? Just like it did the first time I signed up? What if this lesson in God's word is somehow 'jinxed'?" Now if you've talked to my big sister for any length of time, you will know that the words "God" and "jinx" DO NOT mix. God does not "jinx" us...and so, I remembered my big sister's wise words and signed up for the study...for a second time. And tonight God taught me that His timing is perfect...He loves me so gently and so passionately...and that in three years, He has been molding and shaping the clay that is Kathryn Eddins Farris. The author of the study talks about "oppression" and that God's people DO in fact experience "oppression" at some point or another in their walk with the Lord. She points out that there are four factors that cause oppression in God's people (I won't get into all four...you'll have to take the study and discover THAT on your own) ONE of those factors is testing. I know, I know...this is a touchy subject for some believers, but stick with me on this please. She goes on to say that God will bring us through a season of oppression by testing us and that SOMETIMES He tests us before we are ready to be tested. That if we KNEW we were facing a test and TRIED in all our humanness to "study up" for that test, we wouldn't even KNOW HOW to study...we wouldn't know how to get ready for what is coming. And this brings me back to God's perfect timing...Over the past year I have been TESTED. I have taken a test that I was NOT ready for...had I known I was going to be tested, however, I wouldn't have even known how to study. Many days I just got up in the morning and said "What next God? Where now?" and I learned how to rely on God and not on my "well laid plans" (and we all know what a "planner" I am!)..."The enemy CAN defeat us unless we are TOTALLY dependant on the Holy Spirit and God's word"...and so I look back over this past year and even back three years ago to when I first began this bible study and for the very first time in my life I can see "it"...I can see God's wonderful plan, woven so carefully and so intricately and with SUCH unending love...You see, I was NOT ready to take this study three years ago, BUT I was ready to learn another lesson about grief and friendship (another day, another blog)...TODAY I was ready to learn that "pop quizzes" are okay and that even if I'm not ready for the test, GOD in all his glory will be there when the testing happens. Today I'm ready to finish this bible study.